


Screw You Steve Rogers

by MrCourtesy



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Apologies, F/M, Howard and Maria Are Wonderful Parents, Life Choices, M/M, Multi, No Smut, Poor Etiquette, Short One Shot, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-24
Updated: 2015-03-24
Packaged: 2018-03-19 08:52:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3604023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrCourtesy/pseuds/MrCourtesy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What really started the Civil War.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Screw You Steve Rogers

 

Screw You Steve Rogers

 

 

 

Sitting quietly at the dining table, Steve pours Tony another two fingers of the wizened whiskey at the table in Tony’s ancestral home. Palming through a set of photographs, Tony looks at Steve, and looks back to an aged photo with Steve in the middle of his father and mother. In the film, his smile is immense, and his arms are hooked over Howard and Maria’s shoulders. They lean into his bulk with bright matching grins, and look up with adoring eyes.

 

“Steve,” Tony asks suspiciously, sliding the foremost photo to the bottom of the stack, his from growing deeper as he looks at the next photo, “Just how long did you know my parents?”

 

Sliding the decanter across the polished mahogany, Steve urges him to drink from the glass. Still skeptical, Tony takes it in hand.

 

“Tony, there’s something I have to tell you.”

 

In the next picture, both of Tony’s parents are leaning close into Steve, their heads pressed together, sweet smiles seemingly hypnotized with each other.

 

Slowly, Tony takes a sip, and Steve shakes his head, motioning for Tony to down the drink.

He does, then sets the glass down. With a deep sigh, Steve pours him double what was in the last glass.

 

“What is this about, Rogers? Just what the hell is in this box?” He flicks to the next picture, mid swallow, and drops the glass on the floor.

 

There, in the shot, both Howard _and_ Maria are kissing Steve on the cheek, and his eyes are shut tight, seemingly happy.

 

By today’s standards, the picture isn’t proof of anything, but Tony’s already shaking his head when Steve finds his voice.

 

“Your parents and I…” Steve says softly, looking down at the floor. “We were _intimate_.”

 

“No.” Tony says, parsing to the next picture, where the proof is nigh damning. It’s a shot of Steveon a couch, with both Howard and Maria on bent knee, leaning into him. Each of them has their head canted onto a knee with a blissful grin.

 

“I—I—You had sex with my parents?” Tony says hysterically.

“Well, um… yes?” Steve sheepishly picks at the khaki fibers of his well-pressed pants. Tony throws the photos down onto the table in anger, but when they spread Tony’s eyes catch on another that renders him speechless.

 

“I’m your father, Tony.”

 

“ _What_?” Tony spits. “That wasn’t even what I was going to ask about. What the fuck?”

Unsettled, Steve leans back.

“Oh, then what—“

 

“What in the fuck is _this_ , Steve?” Hand shaking, Tony holds up a picture of his parents in collars on the ends of leashes, being walked. Howard on his knees in front of Steve, and Jarvis playing with Maria, whose belly is bared for a rub. Quaintly, Jarvis is giving Steve a sugar sweet kiss as they lean towards each other.

 

“Oh, um—-“

“Or this?”

 

Hissing, Steve winces at a shot of himself with a school headmistress’s outfit on, hand raised as if to spank a twisting Maria who is nude across his knee. There are school desks with Jarvis and Howard sitting in the back, while a gagged and bound Nick Fury is made to sit in front with a dunce cap on.

 

“I-“

From apoplectic to baleful within three seconds, the flush of anger drains from Tony’s ears and moves to his cheeks.

“Really, _really_ , Steve?” Tony has reached the point where he can’t look away, but he’s also too disgusted to feel his own nausea anymore. He shoves a series of even more lurid pictures in Steve’s face, including one where there is literally _no doubt whatsoever_ what Steve is doing to both a very enthusiastic Jarvis and Peggy.

 

“It was my early twenties?” Steve offers, shrugging with a small voice.

Lowering the stack, Tony gives him a dry look.

“You’re twenty-six, Steve. _Twenty-six_.” Silent, Steve looks away in shame.

 

Tony finds a picture with a James Buchanan Barnes and purses his lips, nodding slowly to himself as he takes the bottle of whiskey, managing to down most of the bottle in one swallow.

 

“Steve.” He says with a low rasp as he comes up for air.

“Yes?” An eager voice replies.

 

Tony takes the pictures in a small pile and throws them at Steve’s face, standing with the bottle as he leaves.

“Go fuck yourself.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> If you actually found this amusing, leave me a kudo!


End file.
